By Br. Michel San Juan, O.Carm.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God.”
– 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
On the first day of our year-end retreat I was stunned when our retreat master, Fr. Melvin Lorono, O.Carm., introduced the theme of our retreat: “Carmelite discernment: Examining attitudes in conformity with our Carmelite identity.” It struck a nerve.
The theme reminded me of the suffering I had to go through in the course of my journey, but despite the pain, I felt that the Spirit was urging me to continue, to become faithful to the promises I made to God before the community and the church. And so, in order to persevere, I prayed, prayed for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Queen of Carmel.
The sufferings that I received along my journey never ended, because it manifests itself, from time to time, in my mind and I would once again feel disappointed and I would struggle to overcome them being a religious Carmelite student friar.
During my entire journey in formation, constant prayer and thanksgiving was my lifeline. I was and am always delighted at the assurance of love and the supplications allowed me to persevere in my journey in Carmel.
I experienced darkness, confusion and pains where the evil spirit tried to deceive me – urging me to abandon my vocation. When that time came, I lost my faith and started to experience loneliness and fear.
My life goes backward and I am brought back into the desert to experience hunger, thirst, pain, emptiness and darkness. But along with these, in prayer and with charity, the revelation of the mystery of God, of His Will bestowed on me, gives enlightenment about my vocation through life with the communities of the Order itself, testing my faith and strength.
And so, as I continue on with my journey, my trustworthy companions will always be faithful discernment with the Word of God, prayer and thanksgiving towards love for Jesus and the Community.
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Br. Michel is a graduate of B.S. Electronics and Communications Engineering. He entered Carmel in 2018 and is currently doing his masters in Pastoral Management with Inter-Congregational Theological Center of the Our Lady of the Angels Seminary in Quezon City. He is a professed brother of the Order.